The Mistress Card Principle

Look man . . . It’s not what it looks like. Sure . . . you’ve heard that before, but this time I mean it. Sure I was born a Diamond, and through my pre-arranged marriage, I end up with the Queen of Diamonds, but isn’t that like marrying my cousin or something?

Anyway, that all-thumbs “magician” did some “every card has a mate” trick, and next thing you know, I’m stuck next to the Queen of Hearts. She smells nice and is certainly hot, but I didn’t put her there. Then of course, here comes my wife, wondering how I got double stick tape on my back and why there’s some other woman’s name sign across my chest.

How was I supposed to know about the Mistress Card Principle!?