Small Yellow Puppy
If you folks ever wondered about my sanity . . . Today is the day I’ll prove to you that I’ve totally lost it (if I ever had it). Rather than a Saga story this month, I will relate a true story. As most of you know, I’m the online marketing “guru” at an accounting school (Universal Accounting Center). One of the programmers (Clark) there recently built a new system that I would be working with. He sent me an email with my access information and a note that basically said that if I needed help, let him know.
In Saga-like fashion, I composed an email by writing the first thing that popped into my head . . . no editing. Below is that very email . . . help me . . . won’t you . . .
Clark,
Groovy. Thanks for the info. If I get stuck, I’ll ship a small yellow puppy to Thailand. Then an American named Joaquin will vacation there, purchase the puppy and bring it Florida. The puppy will then walk to Denver over the course of several months living off of road kill and beetles. From there an Italian man named Bob living in Denver will adopt the puppy and move to Utah after 3 years.
The puppy will no longer be a puppy but will have grown to a dog. The dog, being confused and delirious from its world travels will mate with a homing pigeon thus spawning homing dogs that are very smart. One of the offspring homing dogs will find its way to my home in West Valley. I will adopt him and bring him to work on Universal’s bring-a-homing-dog to work day. I will then give him a message to deliver to you.
Several generations of homing dogs later in the year 2052, a descendant of the homing dog will be adopted by a mad scientist named Jim. Jim will invent a time machine and decide to travel back in time to discover the history of the homing dog. He will discover that it all began with the moment I had a question and decided to ship a small yellow puppy to Thailand.
He will then suggest that I just send you an email rather than ship a small yellow puppy to Thailand. The moment he suggests it he will alter the space-time continuum by changing the past preventing the small yellow puppy from being shipped to Thailand and thus all of the events leading to him building a time machine no longer exist. Thus he will vanish into thin air, and I will send you an email asking for your help.
Then the small yellow puppy will pee on my shoe. Darn it! I should have sent him to Thailand.
Thanks,
Jeff